Marry Him

January 25, 2010
Building on her Atlantic
article, 40-something single mom Gottlieb (Stick Figure
) sought the advice of matchmakers, dating coaches, clergy, economists, and psychologists in her quest for a husband. She learned that women today bring a dangerous sense of entitlement to dating. Instead, Gottlieb says, women need to be more open-minded and realistic, and just choose the best available option when it comes to a mate and appreciate him. Although familiar, the advice doled out also makes good sense, and Gottlieb is personable and appealing.

February 1, 2010
After writing an article for the "Atlantic Monthly"urging single women seeking husbands to settle for Mr. Good Enough rather than wait for Prince Charming, fortysomething single mother and journalist Gottlieb takes the next step. Offering herself as a guinea pig, she consults behavioral and social researchers, counselors, clergy, and other advisers on marriage, matchmaking, and divorce. As she searches for a husband, Gottlieb reexamines her strategies for selecting dates on online dating sites, reevaluates her criteria for an ideal husband, and grudgingly realizes that, as a woman over 30, she is competing with younger women for men her own age. Furthermore, she learns that, as a woman ages, the pool of eligible men decreases. Gottlieb is repeatedly challenged to discount initial impressions and examine assumptions, including the role of sexual attraction in a successful marriage. Throughout, she interviews friends and former dates, people who found mates through arranged marriages, and others who settled for Mr. Good Enough as Mr. Right. VERDICT A funny, if somewhat repetitive, cautionary tale of one woman's midlife journey through the modern landscape of dating and matchmaking. The best advice: look for men who are looking for women like you. [See Prepub Alert, "LJ" 10/1/09.]Lucille M. Boone, San Jose P.L., CA

Copyright 2010 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.

Starred review from January 1, 2010
Gottlieb, 37, made the decision to become a single parent after years of searching for Mr. Right. Four years later, when she still hadnt found him, she decided to take a good look at her dating habitsand the dating habits of women around herto see if the problem is not a dearth of good men but rather womens expectations of them. Gottlieb finds that women want it alland often arent willing to compromise on their list of traits their ideal mate must have. In their twenties, many women leave good relationships based on an elusive feeling that they could find something more with someone else, and they regret it down the road when their choices dwindle. Its not that women arent willing to settle; its that many refuse to recognize that their vision of the perfect man doesnt match reality. With the help of dating coach Evan Marc Katz, Gottlieb reconsidered her own standards in the hope of finding happiness. Gottliebs honest, astute analysis will resonate with many women and make them uneasy as they recognize themselves in her experiences and those of the women she interviews. Gottlieb makes a strong case in this groundbreaking work.(Reprinted with permission of Booklist, copyright 2010, American Library Association.)