The Big Lie

November 25, 2013
Producer and activist Selvaratnam, a self-defined casualty of the second-wave feminist idea that biology should not define destiny, responds with a provocative mix of solid information and palpable anger. She critiques a medical profession that portrays childbirth after age 35 as reasonable and easy, a business culture that idolizes “leaning in,” and media idolatry of pregnant older celebrities. Selvaratnam stays committed to third-wave feminism as she urges women to understand the limits of their fertility. Acknowledging the reasons why women delay childbearing, she asserts that women who know they want a child should not “make it dependent on being established in your career or finding the right partner,” and supports single motherhood. Throughout, Selvaratnam shares her personal experience with fertility struggles, including multiple miscarriages after age 37. Although the book occasionally veers off-message as the author addresses the difficulties of her artistic career and a surprise cancer diagnosis, she wants to encourage other women to discuss the financial drain and disappointments associated with assistive reproduction. This wakeup call to feminists of childbearing age is controversial, but few would argue with Selvaratnam’s suggestion that women get the facts before making family-planning decisions. Agent: Meg Thompson, Einstein Thompson Agency.

December 1, 2013

Set aside the "mommy wars." This work is for the women who have been left out of the discussion until now. Selvaratnam shares her personal story and surveys the landscape for the women of her generation who delayed motherhood only to find that they couldn't have a child when they were ready. She discusses how her generation, seeking to be different from their mothers, "reap the benefits of feminism," and control their own bodies, learned that they can only do so to a degree. Fertility is still finite despite many medical advances. The book critiques feminist ideals and encourages young women to learn from the author's perceived mistakes. She advises twentysomething women to take care of their bodies and inform themselves about fertility basics. This title takes a different path to many of the same conclusions about motherhood and feminism that Jessica Valenti made in Why Have Kids? Both argue for changes in family leave and other policies that will facilitate women making real choices rather than have decisions made for them by circumstances. VERDICT While parts of the text read like a rant, many will cheer on Selvaratnam's ultimate points. Sure to invite discussion among feminists.--Mindy Rhiger, Minneapolis

Copyright 2013 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.

December 1, 2013
At the outset, Selvaratnam discloses that she's had an abortion, a miscarriage, and unsuccessful fertility treatment. But somehoweven when faced with a cancer diagnosis, pregnancies that ended in the first trimester, and an unwanted separation from her husbandshe remains upbeat. She's intelligent (she's a Harvard grad), passionate (she's a feminist and activist), and artistic (she's a documentary and theater producer). And she wants to share her hard-won wisdom so that young women in the future don't make the same mistakes she did. Selvaratnam regrets mistreating her body (she smoked and copied the bulimic behavior she saw in older girls) and not thinking about fertility (she didn't give it much thought until she started trying to conceive at age 37). Her message: Don't fall victim to The Big Lie that women can delay motherhood until they find the perfect partner, feel emotionally and financially ready, and figure out their career. She also reminds us to honor and care for the people who are already here on this Earth, and to Advocate for a better future. (Reprinted with permission of Booklist, copyright 2013, American Library Association.)