It's Not You

November 11, 2013
In this comforting love letter to single women, journalist Eckel tackles 27 common criticisms trotted out to unmarried ladies of a certain age—and sets each of those chestnuts on its ear. Advocating for the women who want to marry but haven’t yet found their match, the author picks apart clichéd observations such as “you’re too picky,” “you should have married that guy,” “you have low self-esteem,” and “you’re too desperate,” offering sensible responses for when these questions inevitably come up. Eckel sagely points out that “when you stop picking apart your personality and endlessly replaying the game tapes of your previous relationships, you clear a lot of mental space,” and she rationally discusses why each of these “truisms” are utterly wrong, funneling many through a Buddhist viewpoint while sharing her adventures with meditation and her own stories about dates gone wrong. Eckel also encourages women to examine what’s right with their lives, rather than what’s wrong—something very difficult to do when society is passing judgment, she acknowledges, but a necessary step nonetheless. A must for any single woman’s personal library, this book will lend hope to the millions of unattached women who want to believe love is on the horizon.

April 1, 2014

Based on an essay in her New York Times "Modern Love" column, Eckel puts forth a strong case for celebrating the right to be single without guilt or shame, claiming that the many accusations of women being "too picky," "too independent," or too anything to find a man are myths that don't fly when held up to psychological and sociological scrutiny. The author relates a number of stories of women who married after 35 (or remained single), and how much they grew as individuals while they were unattached. VERDICT This upbeat, affirming read will alter the mind-set of those waiting to find a partner so that "real life" can begin.

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