Not for Everyday Use

May 15, 2014
Her mother's death prompts a writer to examine her relationship with her family.Though having previously relied on her prodigious imagination to create stories to help "make sense of the world," award-winning novelist Nunez (Fiction Writing/Hunter Coll.; Boundaries, 2011, etc.) here opts to forego fiction's veil to explore "the real truth, the essential truth" in her first full-length memoir. Called back to her native Trinidad on the occasion of her mother's death, Nunez loosely frames this probing look at the varying dimensions of her family's relational dynamics across the four days between returning from New York on hearing of her mother's passing and her burial. The fog of grief following sudden loss, coupled with heady interactions with her ailing father and gathering siblings, provides a ready backdrop for the author to expound on topics as disparate as Trinidadian history, pedagogy, colonialism, Catholicism and her love for British literature. She also assesses the lasting impact of her parents' values and relationship with each other on the lives of their 11 children. Nunez analyses the conventions that she feels rooted her "rigidly orthodox" Catholic mother in a 65-year marriage to a loving and accomplished but at times unfaithful husband and her fierce adherence to religious doctrine that resulted in 14 pregnancies and may also have contributed both to her difficulties in openly expressing affection for her children and her encouraging them to travel abroad to seek their fortunes. Taught early on by both parents that "emotions can be dangerous; they can derail you," Nunez contemplates how this emphasis on emotional reserve may have spawned her and her siblings' great professional successes alongside a raft of failed marriages, especially when faced with a once-domineering father now diminished by age, widowed and in the early stages of dementia.An intriguing, sometimes-rambling yet courageous memoir.

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February 1, 2014

For Nunez (writing, Hunter Coll., CUNY; Boundaries; Anna In-Between), growing up on a Caribbean island was not easy. Her parents had high expectations for her and her eight siblings. Here, she focuses on the four days after her mother's death when the family gathers in Trinidad. As she goes about comforting her 90-year-old father, interacting with her siblings, and preparing for the funeral, she recalls growing up under colonialism, being sent to the United States for college, and eventually becoming a professor. Repeatedly, she marvels at her parents' long and loving 65-year marriage, especially in light of their offspring's divorces and annulments. Besides being a time to mourn her mother, the visit provided Nunez the opportunity to reflect on and forgive her parents for not showing their love for her as she would have wished. VERDICT Through her thoughtful and articulate writing, Nunez offers a valuable perspective on the racism that she experienced, even in America, and the damage the Catholic Church does to women who follow the "no artificial birth control" rule. Recommended for memoir enthusiasts and readers interested in Caribbean literature.--Nancy R. Ives, SUNY at Geneseo

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Starred review from March 1, 2014
When Nuez (Boundaries, 2011) gets the call to come home to Trinidad, that her mother is dying, her emotional steeliness cracks. Her parents had always promoted the sterner stuff of emotional control in the service of ambition. Now she must confront long-held resentments against her father's infidelities and her mother's obedience to husband and strict Catholicism, which saw her endure 14 pregnancies and raise 11 children. Both parents were so focused on feeding their children that there was little energy left over for nurturing. In contrast, she and her 10 siblings were models of success in their careers but had gone through divorces and annulments in search of marital bliss. Her return conjures up the memories that partly inspired her novels and triggers a deeper examination of her parents' long marriage and her own (two years of real marriage, 18 more of duty before divorce). From the perspective of adulthood, marriage, and her sojourn in the U.S., Nuez ponders the cultural, racial, familial, social, and personal experiences that led to what she ultimately understands was a deeply loving union between her parents. A beautifully written exploration of the complexities of marriage and family life.(Reprinted with permission of Booklist, copyright 2014, American Library Association.)