When Kids Call the Shots

Starred review from April 6, 2015
Psychotherapist Grover pulls no punches in this parenting manual, labeling out-of-control children and teens as bullies and identifying the parents they mistreat as victims. He categorizes child bullying styles (defiant, manipulative, anxious) and unproductive parenting styles (guilty, anxious, fix-everything). He also provides a helpful map of the interactions that can lead to the escalation of bullying, from developmentally normal behaviors like boundary-testing to crisis situations such as illness, divorce, and unrecognized learning issues. Grover breaks down the basics of healthy emotional development, including self-esteem, structure, and role models. He challenges parents to better communicate with their children while also practicing improved self-care and examining their own family histories, mental landscapes, and coping mechanisms. Overall, Grover’s empowering, motivating approach is highly compassionate to suffering, burnt-out parents without letting them off the hook for becoming self-aware adults who can make consciously better choices for themselves and their children. Agent: Carol Mann, Carol Mann Agency.