How to Be a Person in the World

March 28, 2016
Havrilesky (Disaster Preparedness), the writer of New York magazine’s popular “Ask Polly” column, provides a wealth of new material on work, love, friendship, and fulfillment, all written in her straight-shooting signature style. She admonishes a writer worried about her eccentricities for her “reductive dichotomies” when comparing herself to others, but also acknowledges that “people are allergic to confessional, outspoken women.” Providing some much-needed real talk to a writer mired in depression, Havrilesky begins, “Reading your letter feels like playing a board game that you can only lose... Draw a ‘Not a Chance in Hell’ card: ‘Advance to Lonely Life Abroad.’ ” She can be devastating, putting a potential bridezilla in her place (“Your dream will not come true”) and verbally eviscerating a man who feels entitled to extramarital affairs (“You’ve been watching too much Mad Men”). She is similarly direct with a woman consistently involved with married men: “You don’t have compassion for other women.” True to its title, this collection touches on nearly every facet of living, and Havrilesky’s wit, intelligence, and candor set her apart as perhaps the best advice columnist currently in circulation. Agent: Sarah Burnes, Gernert Company.

May 15, 2016
An advice columnist provides real examples of the problems people face.Popular New York Magazine advice columnist, author of "Ask Polly," Havrilesky (Disaster Preparedness, 2010) shares a series of letters that cut to the chase on a variety of topics. Do you need to know what to do when you contract a sexually transmitted disease? Do you want to transition from a party girl to a more responsible adult without taking all the fun out of life? Are you searching for a lifetime partner in all the wrong places? The author tackles all these heady issues and more in her no-nonsense, in-your-face, funny-yet-useful answers. Havrilesky uses examples from her own complicated life to help readers understand that they are not alone, that she too has encountered numerous problems and been able to find solutions. One common theme is the importance of not dwelling on mistakes. "You have to make peace with yourself," writes the author. "Push away the bad voices, again and again, and replace them with something kinder and more patient. Say to yourself, 'I'm broken right now, but I'm doing my best.' Take in the electricity, the shivers, the rough-hewn fear of your raw state, and eventually, if you welcome these feelings in enough without fighting them, you'll find inspiration and comfort there." Whether you've committed the "cardinal friendship sin" of dating an ex-boyfriend of a lifetime friend, are struggling to choose between a career as a musician and its inherent demands or the possibility of marriage and children with a woman you love, or are reaching a certain age in life and realize you no longer want to be alone, Havrilesky will tell it straight as to what you should and shouldn't do to remedy the situation. Funny, frank advice for people searching for solutions to a myriad of relationship issues.

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May 1, 2016

Havrilesky (aka Aunt Polly, nymag.com; Disaster Preparedness) collects some of her fan favorites and never-published pieces of advice that take on universal issues such as a chronically unemployed boyfriend, the ennui of being nice, and the guilt of having an affair. However, both the questions and answers the author provides seem to pander to an audience that is as much interested in the cleverness of the response as they are in the topics. Havrilesky's writing is sound, yet, as noted in the New York Times Book Review, it takes a bit of reading to get to the essence. VERDICT Perfect for advice seekers who are also looking for solutions laced with touches of snark, humor, and a willingness to "get" all sides of the subject.

Copyright 2016 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.

Starred review from June 1, 2016
If gentle, hand-holding self-help is what readers are looking for, beware. Havrilesky's trenchantbut inspiring!brand of advice is full of such quips as You MUST recognize that life among those who don't appreciate or understand you is bullshit. For the past four years, Havrilesky (Disaster Preparedness, 2010) has been dishing out such words of wisdom on the Internet every week in her popular column, Ask Polly, selections of which are collected here. With the caring but no-holds-barred voice of a close friend who knows you all too well, Havrilesky replies to letters and offers advice on relationships, marriage, creativity, careers, parenting, and growing old. Her answers are often full of irreverent commentary and always contain some well-placed cursing, but at the heart of each is a plea to graciously accept the juddering path of mere existence, even at its worst moments, and embrace the vulnerability of the moment just as it is. There are no platitudes here; just an honest acknowledgement that though the world is unfair and people can be thoughtless, there is strength in self-acceptance, autonomy, and the pursuit of those things, however mundane they may be, that bring delight. Readers allergic to classic self-help will adore Havrilesky's empowering, grounding, and utterly sincere message delivered in a lovingly unsparing, perfectly profane tone.(Reprinted with permission of Booklist, copyright 2016, American Library Association.)