They Wear What Under Their Kilts?

Sixteen-year-old Emily spends her month of work experience on a Scottish sheep farm, complete with wild sheep (who seem determined to do her in), her best friend Holly (who challenges her to a contest to see who can snog the local hottie first), and Ruaraidh the shepherd, AKA the Scottish God of Love who just happens to have eleven fingers.

Kilt-watching, disasterous castle tours, graffiti spraypainted sheep, and tanning lotions gone horribly awry—it's just another month in the life of Emily.

Subject: Emily's Glossary for People Who Haven't Been to Scotland

From: Emily

To: Dru

Faffing about: running around doing nothing. In other words, spending a month supposedly doing work experience on a Scottish sheep farm, but really spending days on Kilt Watch at the nearest castle.

Schottie: Scottish Hottie, also known as Ruaraidh, the subject of much drooling and first prize in the "Who Can Snog Him First" contest.

Mad schnoogles: the British way of saying big smoochy kisses. Will admit it sounds v. smart to say it that way.

V.: very. Using it abbreviated is coolio to the third power.

Bunch of yobbos: a group of mindless idiots. In Scotland, can also mean sheep. You can take it from me–there is nothing stupider than a sheep, especially when you're trying to make them take their liver medicine.

Stooshie: uproar, as in "If Holly thinks she can take Ruaraidh from me without causing a stooshie, she's out of her mind!"