The Way I Used to Be

December 14, 2015
According to RAINN, the largest anti-sexual-violence organization in the U.S., 80% of rapes are committed by someone the victim knows, and 68% go unreported. These statistics underpin Smith’s debut, which opens with 14-year-old Eden being raped by her brother’s best friend while her family sleeps down the hall. Kevin tells good-girl, band-geek Eden that no one will believe her, and she’s sure that he is right: Kevin is her brother’s teammate and roommate, and her family revolves around her brother. While Eden changes virtually overnight, no one knows what happened—largely, it seems, because no one wants to. Smith tracks Eden through her four years in high school, spotlighting her shifting relationship with her friend Mara, the caring boyfriend she lies to, and her increasing acting out with booze and sex. It’s painful to watch Eden disintegrate but also true to the double burden she carries—the violation of the rape and the weight of carrying the secret. The long-term view Smith takes of Eden’s story makes it all the more satisfying when she does find her voice. Ages 14–up. Agent: Jessica Regel, Foundry Literary + Media.

Narrator Rebekkah Ross opens with a rapid-fire mix of self-condemnation, confusion, and disavowal that comprise Eden McCrorey's response to being brutal raped by her brother's best friend. As Eden tries to get her old self back, she's torn between telling the truth and carrying the horrific experience alone. This division pervades the next four years of her life as a high school student. Ross carries listeners into the center of the Eden's first-person narrative, revealing her emotions, especially the despair that propels her into alcoholic binges and anonymous sex. Eden's demeanor of cold, callous self-absorption alienates those around her, increasing her isolation. Listeners who are willing to accompany Eden on her difficult journey will be struck with her raw pain and rewarded by a sense of hope. S.W. © AudioFile 2016, Portland, Maine