Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies

August 5, 2013
Chris Kluwe—erstwhile punter for the Minnesota Vikings, musician, and "ordinary human being, full of carbon and hydrogen and oxygen"—builds a collection of essays using the same zeal first seen in his open letter to Emmett C. Burns Jr., the Maryland politician who attempted to quell the free speech of Baltimore Ravens players. The infamous letter is included early in the collection followed by essays on a wide variety of topics: personal, political, random. The book reads like a diary of a smart, incredibly likeable, opinionated spazz. Kluwe entertains throughout with nimble associative leaps, ranging from a future where "the world hovers in an uneasy peace," to a hilarious investigation of the former pope's Twitter account, in which Kluwe points out, "the pope follows himself, in seven languages." Kluwe's sharpest writing comes when he's riled up and revving to rant, as displayed perfectly in his response to an article by former tight end turned writer Nate Johnson. While the book is no masterpiece, Kluwe's personality shines through, making it a highly enjoyable read. Kluwe is a self-aware, funny, intelligent, good dude who knows how to tweak a little publicity toward a good cause.

June 15, 2013
NFL punter Kluwe riffs on everything from social justice to dinosaur obsessions in a lively collection of stories, essays, letters and poems. Those who've never watched Kluwe attempt to boot his team out of trouble on fourth and long are still probably familiar with his much-talked-about support of same-sex marriage. Marriage equality, however, is just a thin slice of what the avid video gamer, rock-'n'-roll bassist and Kurt Vonnegut devotee has percolating inside his contemplative mind. Much of it, like when he imagines a "sportsball" showdown between the "Lustful Cockmonsters" and the "Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies," has comedic value. Kluwe can't help but dispatch a few politicians and other assorted close-minded pontificators as "douchebags," but he spends a lot more time pondering other things, like paradoxical time traveling and mankind's penchant for self-annihilation. In mixing the profane with the prophetic while using a variety of literary devices, the author succeeds at being both entertaining and enlightening. Haters can forget trying to paint Kluwe as some kind of loudmouth who doesn't spend enough time thinking about his day job. At least two entries--one painstakingly detailing the intricate process of successfully punting a football downfield while a phalanx of world-class juggernauts hurl their cinder-block bodies at him and another creatively cataloging the variety of painful injuries he has sustained over his long football career--clearly attest to his dedication to gridiron greatness. Football concerns Kluwe, but so do a lot of other things--including being a good parent. "Never be ashamed of who you are. I'm a nerd who plays football," he cheerfully advises his kids. The advice is empowering and displays the author's overarching belief in empathy and reason. An intriguing assortment of work from an athlete with a lot on his mind.

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