The Like Switch

October 27, 2014
Former FBI investigator Schafer applies what he learned in his law-enforcement past to explain how to charm anyone under any circumstances. “When you hear ‘FBI’ you likely don’t think ‘Friendly Bureau of Investigation,’” he writes. But friendship—feigned or true—is the basis of his system for mastering a variety of social situations. The foundation on which Schafer’s theory rests is what he calls “the friendship formula,” involving proximity, frequency, duration, and intensity. First, he explains the value of nonverbal friend cues, including the “big three”: the eyebrow flash, the head tilt, and a genuine—not forced—smile, along with photos depicting these cues, some done sincerely and some of them obviously fake. Next, he tackles body language and what it reveals about a person’s intentions, regardless of what he or she might be saying aloud. He also advocates “speaking the language of friendship,” which involves keeping one’s ego in check, and what he calls the LOVE method—listening, observing, vocalizing, and empathizing. The author’s approach to observing human nature should prove practical and useful in a variety of situations, from romantic meetings to interviewing criminals. A unique and pragmatic tome.

February 15, 2015
Relationships do make the world go roundand, ultimately, infuse our lives with worth. It's a sad commentary on our digital selves that these two authors, who are college psychology professors, feel compelled to tell us how to form and maintain friendships. Schafer and Karlins do so pragmatically, using acronyms (a few too many to recall easily); sample dialogues and scenarios; sidebars (e.g., seven tips to get higher tips); and black-and-white photographs showing positive and negative body and facial language. The narrative is an easy read; lots of personal anecdotes, from airplane-boarding stories to spy encounters (Schafer is a retired FBI-er), engage and instruct. And the advice works just as well in romantic situations as in professional situations. The three friend signals are well explained (a smile, eyebrow flash, and head tilt) and go far in attracting interest in a deal or a date. Friend and foe lessons that won't fade over time.(Reprinted with permission of Booklist, copyright 2015, American Library Association.)