The Feminist and the Cowboy

October 8, 2012
After going on endless online dates with liberal, modern men who seemed to be her ideal, Valdes (The Dirty Girls Social Club) does something totally out of character and e-mails a conservative cowboy, the story of their unlikely romance unfolding with wit and intelligence. Valdes came from a household of mixed messages, where the progressive, feminist ideals her parents preached were not practiced behind closed doors. She grew up angry and confused and believed the path to independence was to act like her father, who was controlling and domineering, a pattern she perpetuated into her 40s. Meeting the antimetrosexual, traditional throwback creates a new kind of confusion, as she finds herself more attracted to him than any other man ever. As she’s feeling the first contentment she’s known in years, he prompts her to question how she’s been living her life and what she trusts to be her values. She struggles to reconcile her feminist brain with the more animal, instinctive reaction she’s having to the cowboy, with the latter connecting with her more, and comes to an arguably incendiary realization: “The dirty little secret of feminism was that it could never go as far as it aimed to, because we were... fundamentally shackled to our own biology.” Whether one agrees with her conclusions about relationships between the sexes, Valdes has written a thought-provoking exploration of her own missteps and the tremendous obstacles she has overcome to achieve happiness in the second half of her life.

October 15, 2012
A big-city girl finds loves where she least expects it and re-examines her life in the process. Valdes (Puta, 2012, etc.) details her unexpected relationship with a conservative New Mexico cowboy. The author was recovering from a failed marriage and a stalled career when she reluctantly agreed to go on a first date with "The Cowboy." What follows are the dramatic ups and downs of their passionate relationship. This memoir will appeal to Valdes' fans, who will appreciate its self-deprecating, conversational tone and the tension between the two lovers. The Cowboy resembles a romance-novel stereotype: strong and handsome, self-sufficient and controlling. That Valdes fell passionately in love with this manly man won't surprise many readers, but it worried the author, especially since the Cowboy insisted that she submit to him in various activities, like driving, ranching and sex. These worries led Valdes into therapy and a re-examination of the events of her childhood and the political beliefs of her family. Rather than just chalking it up to the irrational power of love, Valdes felt the need to justify this new relationship and her submissiveness with pop gender studies. She arrived at a dismissal of the early feminist theories that she was (sort of) raised with. Unfortunately, these sections divert readers from the more titillating story of the city girl/country boy romance. Much of Valdes' research is undocumented, and the lack of a bibliography is troubling. It will no doubt, however, work to attract attention to and controversy for what would otherwise be a sweet but forgettable memoir. A memoir for chick-lit fans who can stomach a bit of politics along with their romance.

COPYRIGHT(2012) Kirkus Reviews, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.