The Emotional Affair

November 15, 2008
Relationships are fraught with dangerous pitfalls, the most current being the "emotional affair," which the Internet has made a major temptation and a painful problem. Psychotherapists Ronald T. Potter-Efron ("Angry All the Time") and Patricia S. Potter-Efron define an emotional affair as "an intense, primarily emotional, nonsexual relationship that diminishes at least one person's emotional connection with his or her committed partner." They provide an excellent list of questions to help determine if your partner is involved in such an affair and discuss why these affairs take place, whose fault it is, and how to confront the partner having the affair. They also offer advice for the person having the affair on how to end it and move on. The Potter-Efrons emphasize the "five A's" of a relationshipattention, appreciation, acceptance, admiration, and affirmationand identify seven common problemsmutual anger and hostility, lack of emotional commitment, mutual distrust, emotional overdependence, continuing power battles, excessive focus on family or children, and oversensitivity to insult. Straightforward, well written, and full of good advice for couples facing this problem and those who may be drifting toward what could become an emotional affair, this is recommended for all public libraries.Mary E. Jones, Los Angeles P.L.

Copyright 2008 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.