The Book of Ralph

June 13, 2016
Steinsvold shows his philosopher roots in this offbeat first-contact story. On Jan. 28, 2022, the anniversary of Claes Oldenburg’s birth and one year after the giant message “DRINK DIET COKE” appeared on the surface of the Moon, a vessel in the shape of an enormous can of Campbell’s chicken noodle soup lowers itself gently to the White House lawn. Out of this ship emerges an alien who calls himself Ralph. National security adviser Francis Holliday, secretary of defense Samantha Weingarten, and scientist Markus West are the first to meet him. Despite Ralph’s distinctly playful side, he comes bringing a dire message: evil aliens from the planet Kardash will arrive on Earth in just three days, and they will wish to be seen as gods. Lengthy passages feature Ralph relaying his philosophy to Markus while bizarre and violent events unfold. This juxtaposition of imminent doom and intellectual seminar gives the work an odd feel and lessens the impact of both. It also fails to be as humorous as the premise suggests. This somewhat quirky tale contains little of either comedy or action. Agent: Mark Gottlieb, Trident Media Group.

Steinsvold (Topological Models of Belief Logics, 2012) offers a novel about an oddball alien visitor.In 2021, a message appears on the moon that upsets people the world over. The message is simple--"DRINK DIET COKE"--but the Coca-Cola Company denies responsibility for it. The U.S. government assembles a team to investigate. One of its members is former NASA scientist Markus West, a man with a lifelong fear of encountering aliens. When the team concludes that Coca-Cola had nothing to do with the moon message, the public becomes even more outraged. Exactly one year after the first appearance of the Coke message, a UFO is seen hovering over the White House, and Markus is called in again. The UFO is in the shape of a cylinder and appears to have the markings of a giant Campbell's soup can. It's silly, to be sure--but is it dangerous? Soon enough, an alien emerges from the vessel and explains all. Although he's not quite as slick as The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy's Zaphod Beeblebrox, he's far more conversant than E.T. He comes to be known as "Ralph," and although he's playful and manages to form a bond with Markus, he also brings a warning of much more dangerous aliens to come. But can Ralph be trusted, or is his zaniness simply a distraction? Overall, this novel delivers an unusual take on the alien invasion story, to say the least. Death rays and abductions may be frightening, but would anyone be ready for an extraterrestrial visitor who has a sense of humor? The book's comedy can be a little on the nose at times; for example, the bad aliens are known as the "Kardashians," although this supposedly has nothing to do with the reality stars. Still, readers will be carried along by their desire to find out what will happen when the bad aliens arrive, and what part Ralph will wind up playing in the whole affair. It all moves along quite breezily, avoiding many cliches of the alien-invasion genre while still delivering a frightening lesson.An offbeat tale that's every bit as unnerving as more traditional sci-fi fare.

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