Nowhere Near Goodbye

November 1, 2020
In Conrey's debut novel, a woman sacrifices her personal relationships in her quest to find a cure for glioblastoma. Emma is a dedicated neuro-oncologist who has a promising career and a stable marriage to Tim. As the novel opens, they've just discovered that Emma is pregnant. He's elated, but her excitement quickly dissipates as, she narrates, "I struggled between what I wanted and what my work demanded." When she was a child, Emma lost her best friend, Kate, to glioblastoma--a form of cancer that occurs in the brain or spinal cord. Emma works relentlessly on a glioblastoma treatment, spurred on by the memory of Kate and the fact that she works for Kate's father, Ned, at the hospital. After she gives birth to her daughter, Ali, her husband hopes that she'll slow down and refocus her attention on her family. But postpartum depression (and a firm belief that "I had to put Kate first. I had to. I couldn't give up") lead Emma to push Tim and Ali away. Emma agrees to get counseling from Susan, a kind, unflappable therapist. However, despite Emma's attempts to open up, the memory of Kate may prevent her from reconnecting with her own family. Overall, this novel offers a nuanced look at one woman's complicated relationship with motherhood. For example, although Emma loves Ali, she's unable to say reassuring things to her when she needs them, such as, "I'm your mother. I love you. I'm sorry." There are moments when Emma's empty promises start to feel repetitive, although they do allow readers to sympathize with Tim's frustration as Emma pulls away from the family. Conrey also loads a fair amount of important exposition into Emma's conversations with her therapist, but these sections help to explain the protagonist's mindset and her relationship to Kate and Ned. Although Emma irrationally still wants to save her childhood friend, Conrey shows how Susan tries to help her patient help herself. An often engrossing narrative about putting one's vocation first, no matter the personal cost.

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