Unconditional Love

The mature and fluid performance of narrator Joyce Bean is an excellent conduit for the author's personal stories, insights, and gently crafted advice about being a grandparent. The audiobook covers all aspects of a healthy relationship--playing with your grandchildren with more freedom than you had with your own children, moderating your advice-giving and healing breaches with the parents, and creating rituals with grandkids that sustain closeness and help them grow. Practical issues like childcare and babysitting, living far away, and money matters are covered, but the heart of this book lies in Isay's perspectives on how to balance the time and resources you give grandchildren with those you preserve for your adult relationships, your financial security, your passions, and your overall enjoyment of life. T.W. � AudioFile 2018, Portland, Maine

November 20, 2017
Isay (Secrets and Lies), a former book editor, shares what it is to be a grandparent and how to keep family conflicts to a minimum and joy at the maximum in this lovely treatment of a widely shared experience. She identifies three age groups for grandparents—young ones still at work and busy, retired ones with enough energy to care for active youngsters, and elder matriarchs and patriarchs—and follows the life cycle of the contemporary three-generation family, with sage advice and family stories throughout. The book is written to help the two generations of adults in a three-generation family deal with the conflicts, problems, and politics of family life, without striving for perfection. Part one teaches “grandparent prep” and adapting to change. Part two considers “the intangibles,” such as nurturing a child’s “moral imagination” and how grandparenting can function as a second chance, as with the illustrative story of a tough paternal taskmaster who metamorphosed into an indulgent “Paw-Paw” with his daughters’ kids. Parts three and four respectively cover difficult issues, such as dealing with distance and remaining involved despite advancing age. More thoughtful and inspiring than Lesley Stahl’s 2016 Becoming Grandma, this volume would make an ideal present from parents-to-be to their own folks. Agent: Liz Darhansoff, Darhansoff & Verrill.

January 1, 2018
Studying the roles of 21st-century grandparents in a child's life.As more families become two-income households, grandparents are playing larger roles in the lives of their grandchildren. Instead of shipping the kids off to day care, working parents often ask grandparents to step in and become caretakers. Though this often means putting their own plans for full retirement on hold, as Isay (Secrets and Lies: Surviving the Truths That Change Our Lives, 2014, etc.) discovered, for most grandparents, there is nothing they would rather do with their time. Taking care of grandchildren brings new life and energy into an older person's life, as well as a host of challenges, which the author covers in sufficient detail via personal stories and interviews. There's the dread of treading too far into the parenting realm, allowing the children to do, have, and/or eat things that contradict how the parents want their child to be raised. Being a mother-in-law is a particularly tricky role to play, as these women want to have as much interaction as possible yet are not always welcomed completely into the fold. Isay also delves into the fact that some elders take on the role of parents when the parents are unable to, whether due to jail time, drug use, or other mental and/or physical issues. Despite the obstacles, however, the author is clear in her message that grandparenting is a true joy filled with the innocence of childhood and the unconditional love that only a child can give. For anyone soon to become a grandparent, this practical book will answer many questions about what to do when the baby arrives; for current grandparents, it confirms what they know: being a grandparent is, for the most part, awesome.Research and individual stories explain the special position of grandparents in a child's life in a book that is unquestionably functional but not as inspiring as Lesley Stahl's recent Becoming Grandma.

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February 15, 2018
Isay (Mom Still Likes You Best, 2010) shares the stories of a variety of grandparents, including herself, in this eloquent book about unconditional love. He gave me nothing to criticize or worry about: an infant has a big future but not much of a past, writes Isay. Wistfully and hopefully she notes, Babies arrive with a clean slate, which we can fill with the patience and acceptance we may not have been able to give our children. She follows what she calls the life cycle of many three-generation families, including grandparents who bring peace to chaotic homes, grandparents who live close, and grandparents who live far away. One Dallas grandma says, I don't babysit! though not being a Granny Nanny doesn't mean she won't drop everything in a crisis. At 75, Isay shares her own emotions as she ends with the story of how, on her birthday, her six-year-old granddaughter Ruby tells her, Grandma, I will always come to see you . . . I will. Declaring this the best birthday gift ever, Isay movingly celebrates the boon of grandparenthood and second chances.(Reprinted with permission of Booklist, copyright 2018, American Library Association.)