The Secrets of Happily Married Women

December 31, 2007
Haltzman's promise of stress-free marital bliss is attractive, but his advice grates, recalling the worst sort of paternalistic misogyny. After explaining that men's worst communication habits are the result of genetics, Haltzman goes on to say that men need to be nurtured, require acknowledgement for their efforts and only get married for sex. So much for wives "doing less"! Once readers recover from their shock, they'll begin to notice that whether Haltzman is focusing on arguing efficiently, spicing up your sex life or learning to recognize nonverbal expressions of love and remorse, the lesson is the same: a wife should always love and accept her husband for who he is and always has been, even after the initial throes of romantic love fade away. That core is sound, but it's hard to say who Haltzman treats less kindly on the way there: men, who are described as intractably difficult, or women, who are told to put up with them anyway.

January 15, 2008
As Haltzman (psychiatry & human behavior, Brown Univ.; "The Secrets of Happily Married Men") knowshe's been married for 20 yearsthe idea of shaping one's marriage without it seeming like another job appeals to most women. Together with DiGeronimo ("Raising Baby Green"), he here proposes that men are hardwired to please women and that if a knowledgeable wife tailors her message to the way her husband can hear it, she will enjoy a deeper connection and achieve happiness without compromise. In a manner somewhat similar to John Gray's in "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus", the authors advise married female readers to speak in shorter sentences, directly ask for what they want, and take charge of their own spiritual and intellectual needs.

Couples counselor Isaacson ("The Birth Order Effect: How To Better Understand Yourself and Others") and writer Schneider, meanwhile, help readers navigate the rough spots of marriagee.g., finances, children, health practices, and potential infidelityby providing guidelines for fair fighting and ideas for playing in the bedroom. The latter book is a kind of encyclopedia on what to expect in marriage, while the former is more a users' guide. Both are well done and recommended to update marital self-help sections.

Copyright 2008 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.